'Snappy Comebacks'

I put it in quotations because I'm totally being sarcastic.

Here are some comebacks I really did hear. From the same person. For real.

"Why are you hanging around me, if you hate and disagree with everything I say?"
"Well, I'll get out the sledge hammer-"
(I interrupted)"Yeah, so I can ward you away."
"You probably couldn't even lift it!"

(He was wearing a shirt that looked like a piece of paper was stuck to it saying 'Save the forest, no more homework!')
"You know how ironic that shirt is?"
"I'm going to staple your face!"
Wowee. Great.

I have to put a comeback I came up with. It's too funny.

So he was being a dishface and hanging around me and my friends. So we asked him:
"Hey, dude, who do you like?"
He was pausing, so I took the advantage of the timing and said:
"Clayton!"
Sometimes I really think he's gay.

Okay, this isn't from the same kid, but this is a really stupid comeback I heard.

We keep joking about this kid drinking soda, 'sodaholic.' He didn't really care, or at least we thought we didn't.
"Yeah, that's right. I drink soda. Hear me, third grader?"
Okay, first of all we're the exact same height. Second off my IQ is much higher than his. Trust me.

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