Oh wise Bazooka, tell me my fortune!

Oh man, I almost let it slide an entire week! :O

Well, I better give you guy(s) a special entry.

I was in the store and bought some Bazooka just for the heck of it. We all know the 'so-funny-I-forgot-to-laugh' comics wrapped around the gum, but I noticed something even better: Fortunes.

'Fortune' is kind of an overstatement. It's more like advice with no relation to life. Here are seven of them:

"WHEN THE STUDENT IS READY, THE TEACHER WILL STOP FLUNKING HIM."

Wait a minute, him? Girls flunk too. Bazooka sure shares it's opinions, gosh.

"HE WHO PAYS THE CELL PHONE BILL CALLS THE TUNE"

Um...that doesn't make much sense. They could have used more work on that.

"SUCCESS IS TEN PERCENT PERSPIRATION, NINETY PERCENT DEODORANT!"

What exactly does sweat have to do with success? I believe success is built on happiness

"IF A TREE FALLS IN THE FOREST, GET THE HECK OUTTA THE WAY!"

Uh...duh?

"FRIENDSHIP IS THE STURDIEST OF ALL SHIPS EVEN THOUGH IT SOMETIMES SPRINGS A LEAK!"

Did it just tell me that my friends pee? I don't need advice on that! Where should I go to college?

"A TREE IS A TERRIBLE THING TO WASTE"

...? This is the farthest thing from a 'fortune.'

"DON'T CUT OFF YOUR NOSE TO SPITE YOUR FACE."

This is by far the most random one. This makes absolutely no sense whatsoever.

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Well, that's all I have. Please enjoy these fortunes forever more!

(P.S. Arithmetic lesson: Emoticons = Nerd, Lame acronyms = Nerd, does Lame acronyms = Emoticons? :Omg!)